I’ve been somewhat unsettled lately. I had (have!) the feeling that I’m not doing what I want to be doing.There was the option of taking on a new contract at the place I’m currently working, a contract that sounded like a lot of fun, where I would get to use both my technical and inter-personal skills to the hilt, whilst taking a look at some things that are new to me. A year back I would have jumped at the opportunity! Good work and the knowledge of a steady income.
But as I wrote in this blog post, there was also the option of choosing something else. Choosing freedom, choosing to go my own way. Much more scary and with a lower expected pay-off (in monetary terms) to boot. Is the value of freedom higher than its price?
A little under a month has passed since then, I’ve had the time to think and to talk and to let my feelings convalesce. And the most important feeling, as I wrote in my previous post, was one of a lack of meaning. Or perhaps in this context, a lack of direction is more appropriate.
What do you do when you have no sense of direction? You wander, until you find it.
It feels like there are a million (mental) paths that I need to follow, at least a small way down. Which takes time. Not only that, it’s scary as hell. Who knows what kinds of bears, boars and dragons I might find whilst lost in the woods?
And then there is my my experiment for this month: Enjoy the process. I think I would enjoy the process of wandering, of being lost. Just maybe… Not too lost? Perhaps it’s (for now) enough to head out into the jungle, but stay close enough to the big city to once and awhile hear the wail of a siren? Because enjoying the process is hard when you’re scared out of your mind…
Two months to try out a bit more freedom. Two months to think of what a next step would be, to perhaps work up a bit more courage to take that next step. Two months in sufficient comfort to enjoy the process of learning to be free.
I’m Bastiaan. This blog is meant to give you some insight into the things I run into and perhaps to inspire you to go in search of your own life extraordinaire.
I love to connect, so if you have thoughts, ideas or questions based on this (or another) post, please leave me a comment!