Apr 282013
 

Humanity consists of two different types of people: Conformists and adventurers.

Conformists are happy with the way things are, would like as little change as possible, want tomorrow to be the same as today, which should be the same as yesterday.

Everybody can be a hero. Superpowers not required(but cool if you have them!)

Everybody can be a hero. Superpowers not required(but cool if you have them!)

Adventurers on the other hand are happy when things change, when there are opportunities and chances. Tomorrow should be different from today, which hopefully was not the same as yesterday.

The majority of people are conformists. Which makes perfect sense: It’s the saver option. Sure, things might not be perfect, but if things are ticking along quite well, why change it. We need these people. They form the basis of our society. They form the core, the heart of what we are and stand for.

On the edges are the adventurers. The few who strike out on their own or in small bands in search for pastures greener, gold or the next big thing. And it’s good that they are few. If everybody packed up their bags to head for the horizon, there quickly wouldn’t be a lot of humanity left. Because adventure is risky. For every greener valley there are ten that are barren or already inhabited (and guess what happens when an adventure tries to claim an already inhabited valley?).

Still, there are quite a few adventurers who do make it (even if it’s only because those are the only ones you ever hear of). The hero who crossed that mountain ridge and came back to tell about it. The entrepreneur with the bright idea that actually worked.

The first time something is done, it changes perception. So the ridge can be crossed. And if one person does it, there will be a next one. And a next. Until it gets common to cross that ridge. And it becomes a part of general culture “Of course we go across the ridge, we’ve always been going across that ridge.” Except of course we haven’t always

The first to cross is the hero. And in a sense she is very important. But in just as real a sense, she isn’t. If she hadn’t done it, someone else, eventually, would have. Adventures call out to adventurers. Heroes are common.

I definitely identify with the “adventurer” group. Too bad just about every ridge in the world has already been crossed. Luckily adventures and “new” things can be found just about anywhere.
In the end it’s not about the hero. It’s about the people who follow. The second person to cross. The tenth. The hundredth. The thousandth. They all help to make the crossing common. Making it that more likely for others to follow.

I even have a point to this story, which is:

Do the right thing!

You might not be the first. You might not be the champion or the hero. But you help making it common, the (new) normal thing to do. Give, and the people around you are more likely to give (because “everybody’s doing it”). Care about the environment, the ones in need, economic oppression. And show that you care, so that others know that they are not alone in caring.

Everybody can be a bit of a hero!

Apr 222013
 

“Here’s my card! So nice meeting you, gotto run, I see some more people who look like they really need my card as well…”

This was my image of networking. Having as short and as superficial a conversation as possible, with the sole intention of pushing a business card into someone’s hands, in the hopes that they will be exactly the right person to help you to the next gig, a huge sale or the perfect job. And of course, if it’s not this person then surely the next: Simply increase the number of cards you hand out and you’ve got to strike gold at some point. Right?

They say we are just 5 handshakes away from anybody on the planet. Don't know what you would do with a second-hand handshake though...

They say we are just 5 handshakes away from anybody on the planet. Don’t know what you would do with a second-hand handshake though…

Ok, so maybe I never really believed the above. But I wasn’t so sure what networking did mean.

This Saturday I was at a seminar and someone mentioned that they were looking to get into event management but were having a hard time of it. The first thing that went through my head was “I know someone who just might be able to help…”. We struck up a conversation and I told her about my friend who had it made in event management and that I would see if I could get them in touch with each other. She was enthusiastic. And she said something to me that really surprised me: “You are so great at networking!”

But… But… I was just trying to help…

And of course, that’s exactly what it is. Networking isn’t about me, it’s about the other person. I hear something that rings a bell regarding someone I know. Maybe they can be of service to each other. And maybe they can’t, that’s out of my control. But the least I can do is connect them, let them figure it out afterwards. Extremely simple for me, yet so valuable for them; without me they might never have made this connection.

Yesterday we had the first barbeque of the year. It truly is getting to be spring!
It’s about the other person, not about me. Except that for the other it is about me. Or at least I hope that they are also thinking about whether they know someone that can give me a boot up.

The “secret” of networking is helping others. Specifically helping them connect to the people you already know. And it’s about getting help from others, to connect to the people they already know.

What are you looking for? Don’t hesitate to mention this next time you’re in unfamiliar company, maybe someone knows someone who is exactly the person you’ve got to meet! Just don’t forget to reply the favor when you can.

Mar 302013
 

For March I set myself a challenge: Give!

Time for the rehash.

The gift you always have with you and that is in infinite supply. Don't be stingy, smile!

The gift you always have with you and that is in infinite supply. Don’t be stingy, smile!

First, this was a really nice challenge to do! I thoroughly enjoyed giving more, from stumbling upon something that I though a friend would like and buying it for them, to saying a heartfelt “thank you” when someone did something small for me.

Second, I used to dislike people asking for money, either in the street (not that we have a lot of them in The Netherlands, but they are there), or a donation for some worthy cause. My feeling was that someone else (the government?) should take care of this and that they shouldn’t be in my face. I always refused to give anything, making me feel guilty, which made me resent them even more. Now, instead of ignoring these people I actually did give a bit of change (if I had it on me) or made a donation. The result was amazing! I felt happier with myself, but more importantly, I didn’t feel resentment towards the people asking anymore!

Third, I realized that giving in small bits actually comes quite naturally. I had no problems with saying heartfelt “thank-yous”, smiling at people or letting someone go first in a line. And all these little bits do add up to make my own day a bit better. Nice!

For next month my challenge will be “Use the phone”. I very much dislike calling people (afraid that I’m disturbing them, that they don’t want to talk to me, whatever), so I have a tendency to use e-mail and texts. Not anymore. For an entire month I’ll use the telephone whenever it’s feasible (don’t worry, I won’t start dictating my files, I’ll still send those by E-mail).
Fourth, I also made a (for me) significant donation to a cause I feel deserves it (BeWelcome, which helps meet people when traveling (I hope they will be able to replace Couch Surfing, as they became way too commercial (see more in this post))). This was thoroughly scary to do! “What if I don’t have enough myself?” was what was going through my mind. I don’t have any fixed source of income, I don’t have any assignments lined up, so I don’t know when I’ll be getting any more money in. Still, I have some savings and I have faith that I’ll be able to generate more income. Of course it’s important to have a safety-net, but how big does that really have to be before it’s enough to start sharing? In the end I decided to gather my courage, have faith and to simply give. There is a small chance that I will come to regret this, but I think the chance is much bigger that it will be good for me. Bad for my bank-account, good for my soul. :-)

My challenge for last month (February) was “Savor my food”. I’m a bit sad to say that I paid hardly any attention to that in March. I’m not good at really focusing on my food. But in the spirit of allowing myself to be just me, I’ll accept that and not worry about it. Other people can be mindful for me :-)
And finally, I started thinking differently. We are so used to thinking in scarcity, in “not enough”. But in reality there really is a lot to go around, especially of the things that have no monetary value but so much real value. Smiles, love, time, thanks, attention, they’re all free and limitless. And with every small act of giving I started to realize that more and more.

I think I’ll keep this one up for quite a bit longer!

Mar 162013
 

I open the doors, walk into the party, a big smile on my face. I take a few steps in, when a feeling of unease creeps over me. I look around and see some people staring at me. Not unfriendly per-se, but more with a look of “what the hell are you doing here?” Everybody there looks the same in some way. And in the same way they are different from me. Maybe they are all women. Or maybe they are all under 20. Or all earn at least a gazillion euro per day. They are the same and I’m different. And everybody knows it. I would really like to turn around and walk away…

So let's all try to make it better. The more the merrier!

So let’s all try to make it better. The more the merrier!

A few days back I want to a feminist meeting (I got invited and it seemed like an interesting way to broaden my horizon). The discussion was about “save spaces”, but the thing that got me thinking most was “privileges” and being part of the “norm”.

There was talk about people who fall outside of the “norm”, due to their race, sexuality, age, sex, socioeconomic status, etc. About having to hide who or what they are or having to defend yourself against what “the rest” feels to be “normal”. Discrimination and all it’s ugly brothers and sisters.

Being part of many “privileged” groups (being white, male, etc.) this never really crossed my mind. Trying to find a way to think about it, I came up with the idea above, of the party where you don’t belong. It’s a scary and very unsettling thought for me.

And imagine such a party where you can’t leave. It’s your live and you’re stuck there.

Rule 207 of the Internet? If you can think of a text, you can find a picture of a t-shirt with that text on the internet.
Now, life should be a party and everybody should have the chance to enjoy it. We’re all human, we all bleed when you cut us, we all laugh at a good joke.

I’ve always tried to judge people on their own merits, not on what groups they might fall in or belong to. This experience has driven home once more how important that is. Let’s make and keep life a fun and enjoyable party for everyone!

Feb 282013
 

In February I gave myself a challenge for the month: Savor my food.

I already wrote a review about this a few days ago, concluding that though I was failing quite a bit, I was still getting quite a bit out of it. A few days later the conclusion stands, it’s very difficult to pay attention to my food all the time, but I have gotten much better at paying attention to the now in general.

I've never actually given or gotten one of these - square box with a ribbon. May be a good idea to do at least once...

I’ve never actually given or gotten one of these – square box with a ribbon. May be a good idea to do at least once…

February is at an end and March is at the door. Time for a new challenge.

A while back I read an interesting article about how giving a present to someone actually increases your happiness more than keeping that same present for yourself. So, my challenge for March 2013 is: Give!

Specifically I want to give something once every day, for the entire month of March.

Of course, there are a great many things that can be given, a lot of them non-physical. Below a selection of what I think would be interesting to give (more of):

  • Gifts: Something small for my friends or family, if I happen to run into it in a shop.
  • A card or E-mail: Wishing someone a happy birthday, congratulating them with something else, or simply for no reason.
  • A smile: Smiling at someone for no reason whatsoever. It’s nice if people smile to me, I can give that back.
  • Attention: I will truly listen to people, giving them my undivided attention, without trying to get my own 2 cents in.
  • Thanks: Sincerely thank someone for something that they did for me.
  • Time: Help someone out, do something for them. Time is precious and thus a great gift to give.
  • Love: There is an infinite amount of, but we can be so stingy with it. I’ll love people with my actions and tell them with my words.

Challenges are fun! You should try your own monthly challenge!
Of course giving need not be limited to the above, but I think I have a nice selection of things to choose from. And I’m sure that actively giving one of them per day should be doable.

I’ll let you know in a month how it went!