Perpetual Wonder

This world is full of bad, irritating, stupid, nasty and irritating things (like people using the same word twice in an enumeration!).

Some you can do something about. If it’s a mess in my house I can clean it up. If I don’t like the look of my shoes I can buy new ones. Don’t complain, fix it!

Some things you can’t do anything about. If it’s raining, no chance in hell that I am going to be able to do anything towards making the sun shine. If the government makes a stupid decision (and they inevitably do) the amount of effort do rectify it is astronomical (not impossible, just not worth it in general). Don’t complain, go on with life!

For these two cases everything is relatively clear-cut. Either take your responsibility and change whatever it is that is bothering you, or put it out of your head and continue with what you were doing.

Unfortunately there are also some “in between” cases. These mostly have to do with people who are close enough that you have some influence on them. But of course you can’t control their actions (no matter how much we would like to. And no matter how much better this would be for the person in question…).

One of my “favorite” examples of this is people who are late. I’m neurotically compulsive where it come to time. It’s valuable and I don’t like wasting it (did I mention I was Dutch?!?). Other people however seem to have far less of a problem with wasting time. Especially mine.

5 minutes late is fine. 10 minutes is irritating. At 20 I’m about ready to get up and leave. (Can you imagine how much fun I had in South America, where arriving late is the national pastime?)

The problem is, I can’t really do anything about it at that moment. Because it’s not within my power to make someone be on time. Especially not if they’re not actually there (they’re late, right?). I can bring it up after they arrive. But at that time I’m usually just happy to see them and I let it drop. Of course, next time they won’t have a reason to be more on time, because last time they were late and I didn’t seem to mind (that much…).

I’m trying hard to get this into the “don’t complain, carry on” box. Good for my sense of zen (I’m hoping). But do me a favor: Next time we have a meeting, be there on time. I’ll love you for it!

Back in the good old days (when we spent our time running after buffalo or looking for mushrooms and edible roots), I would’ve been an old and wise man now (running around after buffalo prevents people from becoming much older than 30? (Or perhaps the lack of modern medicine had something to do with it…)).

Well, actually, I would not have been an old and wise man. I would have been dead.

You see, I’m defective. My eyesight is quite poor enough to miss a buffalo until the moment it’s ready to spike me on its horns. Back in the good old days I would’ve been spiked on some horns, missed the lion in the high grass or walked by a field of tasty mushrooms and missed them completely.

Luckily, what would’ve been deadly some 100.000 years ago, is only a minor nuisance nowadays.

First thing in the morning, wake up, get out of bed, hit my foot against the lamp standing next to my bed, curse, hobble to the bathroom, put in my contacts. Look back at the lamp that I suddenly can see perfectly clearly. Curse again.

But it wasn’t always this easy. The first time I had to put in my contacts it took me exactly seven minutes, three seconds (eye one) and nine minutes and twenty-eight seconds (eye two).

That was some seven years ago. And I’ve been putting in my contacts a lot since then (give-or-take once per day). I got good at it! I got so good at it, I can do it with my eyes closed (proverbially of course. Kids, don’t try putting your contacts in with your eyes closed!).

Which gets me to the subject of this post (what? Already?!?). I’ve been having some trouble. I can’t do it. It doesn’t click. It’s impossible!

I’m trying to learn to improvise on different chords on my saxophone. And it’s not working! I have to concentrate on the notes that I’m playing, so I lose track of the music and the rhythm. Or I focus on the music, but then my hands won’t move in any semblance of order and just a cacophony comes out. Or I get the rhythm just right and the notes are somewhat reasonable, but it is in no way connected to the background music.

It sucks! It’s frustrating! I want to quit, lie in my bed and not get out until the world is a better and fairer place (and music got easier).

I also know that playing the saxophone is like putting your contacts in (if you do it poorly, you start to cry). Lots of practice makes closer and closer to perfect. So practice it is (my poor, poor neighbors!). And bit by bit I’m sure I’m getting better. Slowly but steadily it’ll start to work.

Not quite there yet though. And it makes me want to poke my eyes out (though I should’ve done that seven years ago, would’ve saved me a lot of trouble then).