As I wrote in my previous post, I’m contemplating doing something different with my life.That brings two emotions with it: Excitement, but also dread!
Having been thinking about this for a bit, I’ve been torn between these two emotions for a while now. And I’ve come to realize something: Whereas excitement is quite concrete, dread (or fear) is very amorphous.
What I mean by that is that it’s clear to me what gets me excited: Doing this, working on that. My minds eye paints me a picture of what it is I want to create, what it will look like, how it will function. This is mostly in broad strokes, but it’s possible to zoom in, to go into the details, to create more of it in my mind. It’s there!
Dread on the other hand is completely opposite. It’s a very “gut” feeling, with lots of vague associations. I might fail! Or: People will think I’m silly for trying this.
What might fail? Fail in what way? Which people? What exactly is it that I would be trying?
Of course, things might not turn out to be exactly as I planned. In fact, I’m counting on it (prediction is hard, especially of the future). And even if at some point I have to give up, I’ll have the satisfaction of having tried and the knowledge and skills gained through it. I wouldn’t like it, but I’m not afraid of it.
By trying to make my fears concrete they dissipate. Not entirely, not forever, but a bit, right now.
That will only get more. Every step along the way, every action turns my dream a little bit more into something solid, something real.
Until it is real (one way or another).
And once it is done, it’s standing there, right in front of me, to be touched (and admired!), when I can walk around it, look at it from any angle, examine it in any way possible, I’m quite sure there is one thing I won’t find to be a part of it.
I’m Bastiaan. This blog is meant to give you some insight into the things I run into and perhaps to inspire you to go in search of your own life extraordinaire.
If you enjoyed this (or another) post, if you have something to add or to ask, I would really appreciate it if you would leave a comment!