So I flew into this little town, in the middle of the Bolivian jungle. And then I fell ill. Well, better to say I fell more ill.
Not the kind of oh-my-god-this-is-horrible-I-can’t-get-out-of-bed-and-I-want-to-die kind of ill. More the well-this-kinda-sucks-and-I-don’t-feel-totally-good-so-let’s-not-go-on-an-excursion kind of ill.
So I’ve had a lot of time on my hands, without a whole lot to do. Going into the jungle for three days seemed a bit too much, yet hanging around in small town in the middle of nowhere isn’t everything either.
I slept a lot. And read even more. And wrote a bit. And had some time to think.
And one thing that I noticed is that when I’m not feeling a 100% is that I have way more trouble being social.
Going on a trip on my own I knew that I would have to put some effort into meeting people. One of the things I don’t take very well is being alone. Or better, being lonely (on this trip I also found out that I do need time alone, else I go crazy).
When I’m feeling good and happy I’ll walk into a restaurant and with a bit of courage ask some of the nice people there whether they mind if I join them. Which they usually don’t (actually the only times this doesn’t work if they really don’t speak any of the languages that I feel comfortable in).
But it all seems to be so much more trouble when my stomach is upset or I haven’t slept well. Or if I’m coughing my lungs out. It’s so much easier to think of excuses. “I don’t want to disturb them.” “They’ll be offended by my coughing.” “What if they say no?”
So I find that I can do this, if I’m feeling well. And even then it’s still not 100% natural. But I do it. In other words, I’m “consciously capable” – I have the “skill” but it’s still something that needs my full attention. I falter when circumstances are less than perfect.
Ok, good to know. Time to practice a bit more I guess.
Oh, and I’m feeling a lot better already. Still coughing, but far less. It’s still stuck but it doesn’t hurt half as much anymore.
So here is to health and talking to people!