Jan 202012
 

Lima, Peru

There is a particularly vicious kind of deep-water denizen, called the Angler. It lives in the deepest, darkest parts of the world’s oceans, where it developed a truly horrid way of coming by its midnight snacks. Covering most of it’s ugly body underneath the slimy mud, only a single part of its body sticks out. A rod, with at the end a translucent ball filled with a syrupy substance on which bio-luminescent bacteria live. By providing the small and innocent little fishes, shrimps and other underwater urchins by what they crave most, a tiny speck of light in the impenetrable darkness, it lures them closer and closer to their impeding doom. This is how it gets it’s name; it’s a vicious fish’s viscous fishing rod (worse than the Dutch tax agency!). Having gotten too close, our lovely little fish is grabbed, sucked dry and left as a dessicated corpse to a watery grave.

For all your resting needs: The Dorm! Note the thoughtfully provided spaces to store all of your personal belongings.

The human equivalent of the Angler is the Party hostel. Different species abound, going by names such as Loki, The Point and The Wild Rover. They can be found anywhere where the feeding is rich; anywhere where there is an abundant supply of innocent and sweet little backpackers, ready to have their soul sucked out of them.

Lured in by what every back-packer craves, a cheap bed, abundant alcohol and a steady supply of fresh faces of the preferred sex, our brave little adventures throw themselves with full abandon into the jaws of this monster.

11 AM: Vegetating in front of the TV,

And once in, there is no reason to leave. Breakfast (typically consumed somewhere between 11 AM and 14 PM. You can’t beat the party hostel hangover!) is included in the price of the bunk bed.

There is no reason to leave. After breakfast a first beer is a good idea, consumed whilst hanging in front of the TV which is thoughtfully provided by the friendly staff and which shows the latest movies, your favorite soccer match or endless reruns of Friends, Big Bang Theory or Two and a Half Men. Perhaps you have some energy to send a message to mom and dad, saying you’re not doing anything dangerous, or check Facebook for a few hours. This of course on the hostel computers or over the extremely fast WiFi if you brought your own
mobile device.

Chained to the hostel by a fluorescent (or perhaps even bio-luminescent) orange chain. Also handy if you forgot your name after a night of really hard drinking.

There is no reason to leave. Perhaps you need to have some laundry done? Laundry service is provided. Perhaps you need to make a call back home? International calling can be done at the office. Perhaps you are actually thinking about doing something else during your trip? An in-house travel agency is there for your needs!

There is no reason to leave. Food can be had all day long, whether it is lunch, dinner or a midnight snack. Reminiscent of the food from home, without all the scary local ingredients

There is no reason to leave. After dinner it’s time to slowly warm up for the night’s party. Thoughtfully some form of (drinking) game is provided early in the evening, be it beer-pong or a drink-and-play-pool competition. After warming up it is time for the real party at the hostel, which is generously helped along by 2-for-the-price-of-1 offers of interesting cocktails, all of which contain copious amounts of alcohol.

Breakfast: The perfect moment for that first beer!

There is a reason to leave. Because at about 1 o’clock it is time to explore the local night-life. This is of course done in a carefully organized group, all going together to the same place, dancing together, snogging together (British English is great!), hooking up with someone from the same hostel, just so that the gossip the following morning can be shared to the full embarrassment of everybody involved (which of course creates an even stronger bond, because who doesn’t want to hear the latest gossip about your newly-made-backpacking-friends-for-life).

There is no reason to leave. Because the following morning it is time to do this all over again!

I was there. For 2 days, 2 nights. I escaped. Mila, Pamela, thank you so much for taking me back into your warm and loving arms and house!

PS.
Honk if you got the joke about the Dutch tax agency.

  7 Responses to “The party hostel”

  1. Bastiaan! You’re using the angler fish as a metaphor without mentioning the gory details about it’s mode of reproduction? Shame on you! ;-) Because now I’m left wondering whether those poor backpackers get absorbed into the flesh of the party hostels when they try to reproduce :P If you would’ve mentioned it at least, then I could have stopped trying to imagine how this would work and not be vaguely disturbed with what my own mind can make up at 8a.m. ;)
    Abra├žos! Raposa

    • Raposa, your mind is even weirder than mine! ;-)

      And I actually don’t know about the reproductive details of the Angler. Write a nice piece on it and I’ll post it though! :-)

      • Lol :) Okay, I’ll write you a short biology lesson about the angler fish tomorrow! Telling people the crazy creature facts is one of the most fun parts of being a biologist ;)

  2. Zeer herkenbaar. In de grote steden van Australie en Nieuw Zeeland was het niet anders. Ik ben maar 1 maandje in Sydney geweest.

  3. Great Post Dude!

  4. In lima it was pariwana hostel? or u’ve found sth else?

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