Aug 122015
 

As I wrote in my previous post, I’m contemplating doing something different with my life.

Don't judge me!

Don’t judge me!

That brings two emotions with it: Excitement, but also dread!

Having been thinking about this for a bit, I’ve been torn between these two emotions for a while now. And I’ve come to realize something: Whereas excitement is quite concrete, dread (or fear) is very amorphous.

What I mean by that is that it’s clear to me what gets me excited: Doing this, working on that. My minds eye paints me a picture of what it is I want to create, what it will look like, how it will function. This is mostly in broad strokes, but it’s possible to zoom in, to go into the details, to create more of it in my mind. It’s there!

Dread on the other hand is completely opposite. It’s a very “gut” feeling, with lots of vague associations. I might fail! Or: People will think I’m silly for trying this.
What might fail? Fail in what way? Which people? What exactly is it that I would be trying?

Of course, things might not turn out to be exactly as I planned. In fact, I’m counting on it (prediction is hard, especially of the future). And even if at some point I have to give up, I’ll have the satisfaction of having tried and the knowledge and skills gained through it. I wouldn’t like it, but I’m not afraid of it.

“Nor dread nor hope attend a dying animal; a man awaits his end dreading and hoping all.”William Butler Yeats
And which people? My friends? I’m sure they’ll be rooting for me (or they can stop calling themselves my friends!). Random strangers? I don’t actually care that much about them to be honest… Again, being boo’d away isn’t fun, but something to fear?

By trying to make my fears concrete they dissipate. Not entirely, not forever, but a bit, right now.

That will only get more. Every step along the way, every action turns my dream a little bit more into something solid, something real.

Until it is real (one way or another).

And once it is done, it’s standing there, right in front of me, to be touched (and admired!), when I can walk around it, look at it from any angle, examine it in any way possible, I’m quite sure there is one thing I won’t find to be a part of it.

Dread.


Bastiaan ReininkI’m Bastiaan. This blog is meant to give you some insight into the things I run into and perhaps to inspire you to go in search of your own life extraordinaire.

If you enjoyed this (or another) post, if you have something to add or to ask, I would really appreciate it if you would leave a comment!

Jul 252015
 
The sound of silence

A week back I was in France with a group of friends, for a hiking vacation. We hiked part of the coast of Brittany, climbing over rock outcroppings, being astounded by the tides (a 6 meter difference!), seeing menhirs. And after the hike there was of course time for playing a game, having great food […]