Dec 202014
 

I’ve been somewhat unsettled lately. I had (have!) the feeling that I’m not doing what I want to be doing.

The third option is usually the best...

The third option is usually the best…

There was the option of taking on a new contract at the place I’m currently working, a contract that sounded like a lot of fun, where I would get to use both my technical and inter-personal skills to the hilt, whilst taking a look at some things that are new to me. A year back I would have jumped at the opportunity! Good work and the knowledge of a steady income.

But as I wrote in this blog post, there was also the option of choosing something else. Choosing freedom, choosing to go my own way. Much more scary and with a lower expected pay-off (in monetary terms) to boot. Is the value of freedom higher than its price?

A little under a month has passed since then, I’ve had the time to think and to talk and to let my feelings convalesce. And the most important feeling, as I wrote in my previous post, was one of a lack of meaning. Or perhaps in this context, a lack of direction is more appropriate.

What do you do when you have no sense of direction? You wander, until you find it.

It feels like there are a million (mental) paths that I need to follow, at least a small way down. Which takes time. Not only that, it’s scary as hell. Who knows what kinds of bears, boars and dragons I might find whilst lost in the woods?

And then there is my my experiment for this month: Enjoy the process. I think I would enjoy the process of wandering, of being lost. Just maybe… Not too lost? Perhaps it’s (for now) enough to head out into the jungle, but stay close enough to the big city to once and awhile hear the wail of a siren? Because enjoying the process is hard when you’re scared out of your mind…

Even the feeling of having a way forward makes things feel a lot better. I guess that’s part of “enjoying the process”?
Finally: The universe provides. Or things will work out. Instead of having to choose between diving into the deep end of complete freedom and the straight-jacket of continued corporate-droneness, a third option presented itself. It turns out that my current manager really would like to keep me on for a while longer. But he could be flexible, give me just a bit more freedom. So, as of the new year, for two more months, I’ll be safely inside the well-known boundaries of a structured job for four days per week, giving me an additional day per week to search, walk, get lost, and try.

Two months to try out a bit more freedom. Two months to think of what a next step would be, to perhaps work up a bit more courage to take that next step. Two months in sufficient comfort to enjoy the process of learning to be free.


Bastiaan ReininkI’m Bastiaan. This blog is meant to give you some insight into the things I run into and perhaps to inspire you to go in search of your own life extraordinaire.

I love to connect, so if you have thoughts, ideas or questions based on this (or another) post, please leave me a comment!

Dec 172014
 
Meaning

I’m not one for religion, spirituality, new-age mumbo-jumbo. After I’m dead I’ll be gone forever and happy with the prospect. And there is no deeper meaning to life than to simply be. Until not too long ago that was it and I had no interest in digging deeper. Friends, fun, career, food, intellectual stimulation, travel, [...]

Dec 082014
 
Standing out

It was 8.23 in the morning, I was walking from the tube station to the big glass box where the computer stood that I was to stare at for the coming 8 hours. As I walked, people were milling around me, dressed up warmly in shawls, hats, gloves and thick winter coats; December in London [...]

Dec 082014
 
Standing out

It was 8.23 in the morning, I was walking from the tube station to the big glass box where the computer stood that I was to stare at for the coming 8 hours. As I walked, people were milling around me, dressed up warmly in shawls, hats, gloves and thick winter coats; December in London [...]